Week 2: hoc est sub terra
What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard someone say?
I don’t mean the stupid things we say growing up like “I can totally make that jump,” or “touch that to see if the power is turned off” or “yeah, I’ll eat that for $5.” I also don’t mean when there’s a central inciting incident that forces people to respond under duress in a way they otherwise would not. For example, if you’re on a flight and someone comes sprinting down the cabin screaming, “Is there anyone here who can land this plane?!” one might offer up something very stupid and unhelpful like “I played Flight Simulator 98 a bunch growing up!”
Normally, you would not equate those two things but in an emergency, people feel like they should offer up something. Anything is better than inaction, so they bypass the vetting process and issue all thoughts a FastPass to the mouth.
No, what I mean is something said out in the wild, by an adult, and offered up of their own volition.
I ask this because some weeks ago, I heard something. It was a question, asked by a grown human woman, that to this very moment hasn’t left the forefront of my mind for longer than a few minutes at a time.
I will briefly set the scene:
My dad was in town for a weekend visit, and for a daytime activity, we were headed to a place called Onondaga Cave State Park. Missouri has lots of caves, as the many (extremely dated) billboard signs proclaim every 10 or so miles on the highway, but Onondaga is by far the coolest, in my opinion.
So we packed up and drove the hour down there and paid for the tour, which is about 60-90 minutes long. It was my second time on the tour so I knew it was worth it. The first hour passed uneventfully, if beautifully. Some pictures:
Pretty cool, right?
The big cavern in the middle photos is large enough to fit a full football stadium in it- with bleachers! It’s 150 feet from floor to ceiling and then there’s 60 more feet of earth above that. Fun facts!
Anyway.
The tour group members were all engaged, and the kids on the tour asked lots of funny questions, my son included. It was all very normal.
Until it wasn’t.
Near the end of the tour, you walk up the long ramp seen in that second photo into “The Lilypad Room.” I won’t bore you with the details of that, but boy is it neat:
So we’re up in that section, and before the tour continues, the guide asks what tour guides ask: “Does anyone have any questions?”
That’s when the woman, who up to this point had done little more to stand out than take an excessive amount of videos, asked her question.
Before I continue, I want to be clear. This person was not in any way infirmed or suffering from some mental deficit. She had two kids and a husband with her and had held perfectly standard conversations with them to this point. I heard her tell a joke. I saw her pay for the tour using a credit card. I’m not punching down, is what I’m saying.
So the floor was open. “Does anyone have any questions?”
And she said:
“I do! So, is this cave…… underground?”
The silence that followed was so profound I think the world may have stopped for a second. Nobody even moved. I don’t know if we died, or the universe did, or what, but I have never had a shared experience like that where 20 people collectively stopped doing EVERYTHING for several seconds. You could put on construction-grade ear protection, don a diving bell helmet, and spend a pitch-black night alone in that cave and it would NEVER be as quiet as it was in that moment.
Is this cave underground….(question mark).
Well, let’s see here.
Cave /kāv/
noun
a large underground chamber, typically of natural origin, in a hillside or cliff.
Or, if you like: a natural void under the Earth's surface.
OR: any natural subterranean cavity that is at least 50 feet in length or depth, or any combination of length and depth or that contains obligatory cavernicolous fauna
A cave is, by its very nature, underground. If you took the “underground” part away, it would not be a cave. It would be a canyon, or a trench, or a gulch, or a fucking sidewalk. I assumed, like all of you, that this was pretty straightforward. It doesn’t matter if the thing is carved into the side of a mountain 15,000 feet above sea level. If there is ground above you, you are in a cave.
Say, were there any indications that we were not, in fact, on the surface?
Who can say.
So this person went to a place called Onondaga Cave State Park, bought tickets for a cave tour, began that tour by walking 50 feet STRAIGHT DOWN into that cave, listened to facts about that cave being discovered through holes in the earth, heard the factoid above that there were 150 feet to the ceiling and then 60 feet of ground above that, hadn’t seen the sun or any indication we were above ground, ignored all that, and asked if the thing she was presently in, which must definitionally be below ground was actually underground.
Holy shit, man.
After what was maybe three seconds but felt like 1,000 lifetimes, everyone’s brain came back online simultaneously. It was like air rushing back into a vacuum. I turned to my wife and just started stammering. “Hang on. Hang on. W-wait wait wait……wait. Hang on.”
She was staring off into the distance with her mouth open, and a low “uhhhhhhh…???” was coming out of her like air leaking out of a balloon. It was like we were in a Marvel movie and had all been snapped back into existence after her Thanos-ass question had turned us to dust.
I heard a muddled hum from everyone else; a mishmash of varied reactions to such an astounding inquiry. Cutting through the low din, I distinctly heard my dad’s voice.
“What….the…fuck?”
It just sort of slipped out of him like a ghost leaving his body. The tone was bewildered, but angry. Almost like he was angered because he was bewildered. I’ve seen too much of the world for this. No one should have the power to do this to me, he must have thought. But there she was, doing it to all of us.
For her part, the woman seemed to realize the question had some flaws. I think maybe it was when the tour guide responded, “Ummm?” in that way where a person’s voice goes up at the end of a word and they extend the last letter as long as they can to buy themselves some time.
She tried to save it by rushing out a, “I-I-well, you- you know what I mean.”
But we did not know what she meant. None of us had any fucking idea. I still don’t.
Villian Corner:
In celebration of our own villains, this week somehow Steve again because he bid $53 on a tight end, each dispatch we will take a moment to appreciate a great villain from entertainment history.
Boyd Crowder
Villains generally fall into three categories. They’re either unknowable (Michael Myers, Xenomorphs, Jason, etc.), irredeemable assholes (King Joffrey, Emporer Palpatine, Shooter McGavin), or they’re magnetic and intoxicating (Hannibal Lecter, Joker, Hans Landa).
Boyd is firmly in camp number three and has a legitimate shot at the title in my opinion. He’s the best thing about Justified, which was a great show made better by leaning into one of the more unique TV villains ever.
He has shock-white teeth, a maniacal head of hair, dresses like a Mumford and Son and speaks like a country-fried Shakespeare. He outsmarts every would-be trap, outlasts every would-be challenger, and is so charismatic people rarely notice he’s cut their throat until they see the blood running down their chest.
Also, he has BARS.
He casually throws off lines like, “I've learned to think without arguing with myself,” and “Everybody knows that the only men the company doesn't do wrong are company men," and "Don’t eulogize the past til the future gets its turn.”
Walton Goggins took the character and ramped him up to 11, creating a clever and creative villain who masks a dangerous mind with a hillbilly facade. You love Boyd despite yourself, and Goggins makes him so frighteningly competent and engaging most of his scene partners are hanging on by their fingernails when he hits top gear.
For a small criminal in a small town, Crowder casts a huge shadow. He’s the Honey Badger of villains, unimposing but unkillable, and unafraid of any predator no matter their size. He doesn’t just beat his enemies, he beats them with style:
BARS.
SEASON POWER RANKINGS
Using all the info at hand for the current season (points, points against, averages, schedule, roster depth) here are our league power rankings through 2 weeks
| Rank | Name | Score | Change |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Micah Thoman | 95 | --- |
| #2 | Jimmy Slater | 91.93 | ↑2 |
| #3 | JJ Bailey | 77.47 | ↑8 |
| #4 | Kyle Luke | 76.9 | ↓-1 |
| #5 | Justin Childs | 75.38 | ↑3 |
| #6 | Will Armistead | 74.92 | ↑4 |
| #7 | Steve Keers | 74.55 | --- |
| #8 | Ryan Munson | 73.07 | ↓-6 |
| #9 | Andrew DeWitt | 65.72 | ↓-4 |
| #10 | Andres Santana | 63.1 | ↓-4 |
| #11 | Lee Morehouse | 55.11 | ↑1 |
| #12 | Chris Bailey | 54.35 | ↓-3 |
PLAYOFF ODDS
| Name | Percentage | Change |
|---|---|---|
| Jimmy Slater | 61.30% | ↑ |
| Micah Thoman | 61.30% | ↑ |
| JJ Bailey | 38.70% | ↑ |
| Andres Santana | 38.70% | ↓ |
| Ryan Munson | 38.70% | ↓ |
| Justin Childs | 38.70% | ↑ |
| Steve Keers | 38.70% | ↑ |
| Will Armistead | 38.70% | ↑ |
| Andrew DeWitt | 38.70% | ↓ |
| Kyle Luke | 38.70% | ↓ |
| Lee Morehouse | 19.40% | ↓ |
| Chris Bailey | 19.40% | ↓ |
THE
GAMES
THE GAMES
Steve Vs. Chris (127.6-104.6)
Well would you look at that? It turns out throwing to the best player on your team when he’s wide the fuck open is, in fact, a winning strategy. After last week’s appalling choice to ignore a wide-open Marvin Harrison Jr. and instead opt to lose the game, Kyler Murray had an interesting explanation for the decision:
First, he said, “When you play football, there’s a lot of stuff moving around, you’re moving fast. You don’t see everything.”
Which, OK. That’s a fair enough explanation, albeit a pretty weak one. You’re an NFL quarterback, Kyler. There are supposed to be only 32 other guys in the world who can do that, but in reality, it’s closer to about 25. As one of 25 people on earth with those gifts, you sort of should see everything. You certainly should see most things, especially ones that are that glaringly obvious.
But then, he took things a step further.
“As a quarterback going through your reads, sometimes the ball goes to him. It’s not my job,” he said. “Obviously, I have a sense and a feel for the guys when they aren’t getting the ball and when they are getting the ball, but I leave that up to Drew.”
Sometimes the ball goes to him. Why, yes it does. Sometimes, the ball does in fact go to him.
It’s not my job. Gonna have to take issue with that one, friend! If you boil down the profession of quarterback to a single sentence, it would be: decide where the ball goes. I understand the offensive coordinator calls plays, and some of those plays are running plays which means the ball is pretty spoken for in concept, but the ball still starts in the quarterback’s hands. He has to decide to give the ball to someone else. He is the only one with the power to determine the ball’s destination. If he doesn’t like the proposed choice of destination, he can decide to change the whole play if he wants! There’s a word for it and everything.
I leave that up to Drew. I think I get what he’s saying here, but that makes it seem like offensive coordinator Drew Petzig told him explicitly not to throw that ball to MHJ.
“The ball must go to Greg Dortch, Kyler. Greg Dortch, and Greg Dortch only.”
“But what if our star receiver is wide open and could save the game for us?”
“Is his name Greg Dortch?”
“No, but-”
“Then you just answered your own question.”
Based on these responses, Kyler Murray is either told who to throw to on any play and blindly follows those instructions, or is merely a vessel for some unseen entity distributing the ball through him.
Luckily, the malevolent force controlling Kyler’s body decided to help Steve out this week. Seven minutes into the game, Harrison Jr. had three catches, 100 yards, and two touchdowns. Chris and her team had carefully crafted a nice 100-point meal, and right as the dinner bell rang MHJ burst through the wall and flipped over the table. Brock Bowers was devastated. He spent all day on those 15.3 points!
Hilariously, Harrison had all four of his catches and all of his yards in the first quarter. He was targeted four more times-twice in the endzone, but they were incomplete. Only in fantasy football can a 36-point day somehow still be disappointing.
Chris still had Xavier Worthy to go, meaning anything was possible, but the Chiefs joined the rest of the good NFL teams in deciding to be sort of shitty all day. Worthy never got loose, Brandon Aiyuk added to his signature collection of six-point performances, the Bucs were observing Chris Godwin Day, so Mike Evans had early release.
Despite JaDavidmyr MontGibbsery turning in his usual 30 points, Chris was left to die at the hands of a kicker. Big Swingin’ Kick ripped off three more 50-yarders, eventually ending with 23.5 points. That’s the difference in the game right there!
Isaiah Likely Value Tracker:
Acquisition cost: $53
Points since acquisition: 3.6
Exchange rate: $1 = .06 fantasy points
Lee VS. JJ (138.1-122)
This was a lot closer than the score ended up being, given that Lee still had Rashee Rice on the field for the last Chiefs drive and he would have had yet another big catch were it not for DPI. The Chiefs D was also leaking fantasy points all over the place, and would have had eight less than they did if not for an extremely late fumble recovery touchdown. 10 millimeters separated Chris Olave’s 11.8 from a would-be 18.
All this is to say Lee had a pretty good day, he just didn’t have a young superstar like JK Dobbins on his team. Hey, I get it. It’s always tough to trust newcomers in the NFL.
Dobbins may be fresh-legged and full of electric potential, but some fantasy players want to see a little tape before throwing in with a guy. Not me. I don’t care if we don’t have any history to go off of! I’m looking to the future, and you can’t do that by recycling old running backs. No narrative is a good narrative I say- it means the sky is the limit.
Did you know Dobbins is the first Chargers’ back — and the first AFC player in a decade — to open a season with back-to-back 100-yard rushing performances? If you bet that particular prop, please enjoy your superyacht.
Jared Goff tried his best to cancel out all that hard work, but even though he looks like absolute ass through two weeks, I can’t be mad at him. He’s my Big Dumb Buddy! He doesn’t know a thing and is just happy to have an activity. Look at this!
I can’t be upset. He seems like he’d laugh his ass off if he farted in a bath.
Kicker watch!
Did you know that in Week 1, there were nearly twice as many field goals (68) as touchdown passes (35)? There were 74 attempted field goals!
Week 2 continued the hot, kicky action. In the 1 p.m. slate alone, kickers went 47-for-50. A guy who was unemployed to start the week made seven of them. By the end of MNF, the numbers were 67 made field goals, 34 touchdown passes.
Seems like the NFL is a kicker league after all. Good thing our fantasy league reflects this.
Jimmy Vs. Kyle (147-137.2)
Boys, I dare say Jimmy might have a San Francisco Giants thing going on here. Remember in the 2010s when the Giants would alternate between being ass and winning a title every other year? I think Jimmy is doing that. Here are his last four years:
2021: 3-11
2022: 10-4
2023: 3-11
2024: 2-0
It’s early, but his team has consistency and a couple of guys who can break a week if they get loose. I thought Davante Adams was dangerously close to being over the hill, but then he decided to win the game himself in the fourth quarter against the Ravens. Four catches, 86 yards, and a touchdown on six targets. Vintage stuff. Also, he did this:
That’s how the NFL gets me, man. Sunday was full of just awful football, and even watching RedZone couldn’t make things exciting for most of the day. Then something like that happens, and I’m reminded that at any given moment I have a chance to witness something superhuman. That ball had to be thrown to that EXACT spot. No margin for error at all. If it was, Adams had to position his feet in such a way that he could get as close to the sideline as possible without touching it and leverage every inch of his body to reach the ball. He then had to catch the ball while in freefall, making sure his toes held just so and his hands were properly tucked, all while being aware his body was completely exposed. Every part of that had to happen while he and his QB were moving at speeds beyond average human capabilities and wearing heavy pads and helmets.
If I did anything close to that I would talk about it the rest of my life. It would be shoehorned into every conversation. You could be confessing to a murder on your deathbed and I’d interrupt to remind you about it. I would never NOT bring it up.
Adams just went on about his day.
This Kyle/Jimmy matchup was the best of the week. Both teams are loaded at wide receiver (Hill’s value is diminished but he can still outrun sunlight so he’s dangerous) and have enough at running back to get by. Kyle very much needs Walker back, because 2024 Charbonnet is not a very good vintage, but Daniels is a great X-factor and will be a separator most weeks.
He wasn’t in Week 2 because the Commanders decided to go the way of the foot. They won by kicking seven field goals, all booted by Austin Seibert, who was not in the NFL a week ago.
“Seibert had kept practicing since being waived, as kickers do while they wait for the next call, kicking at a pine tree outside his home, with his wife holding for him.”
I truly love the chaotic energy of signing a guy whose most relevant recent experience was kicking a ball at a tree, then immediately entrusting the entire game to him. But It meant Kyle didn’t get any of those nourishing Daniels scramble TDs, and without them he was felled.
Justin Vs. DeWitt(132.2-113.5)
Justin and I had a wonderful exchange Sunday night, when I noticed he left Malik Nabers and his 25.7 points on the bench and I pointed out the rookie had 18 targets. Justin said he was hesitant to start him (Daniel Jones did just post -4 fantasy points, after all), but he learned his lesson.
Because this is fantasy football and I am who I am, I had to needle just a bit more. “Luckily Swift is doing well,” I said, referring to D’Andre Swift, the Bears running back he started in his flex spot instead.
Justin responded with absolute assurance, “Swift will get his.”
Again, that’s D’Andre Swift, the running back for the Chicago Bears. Now I don’t have to tell you that D’Andre Swift, running back for the Chicago Bears, did not in fact get his. He didn’t get his, mine, yours, or anyone else’s, because the Chicago Bears are a very bad offensive football team that doesn’t have any “his-es” to give out.
But I don’t point this out to make fun of Justin. Yes, he has an absolute blind spot when it comes to Chicago (really hope you stayed away from betting the offensive overs like we talked about), but that’s just loyalty and the ability to read a depth chart. The Bears have a lot of talent at the skill positions, and there was no reason a diehard fan like Justin shouldn’t be excited and optimistic.
Except one.
Chicago’s front office and coaching staff are morons. The coordinators and coaches are fraudulent dipshits who cannot adapt, and refuse to admit that perhaps their approach should be adjusted to fit the talent, rather than trying to turn every QB they have into Phillip Rivers. If you want to give Poles a pass, don’t. He may have drafted well and assembled a good receiving group, but he completely forgot that a rookie QB might need an offensive line.
Houston pressured Caleb Williams on 23 of his 48 dropbacks, sometimes with multiple players at once. In total, Texans players logged 36 pressures meaning more often than not, Williams had several large men fucking up his day before he could even think about his progression. Chicago has no answer, personnel-wise or schematically, for the pass rush. Teams can go whole hog on the blitz, and don’t have to give a whisper of a thought to the notion the Bears might adjust their playcalling or presnap motion to counter it. It’s like unlocking God Mode in Doom. You can’t be hurt so do what you want.
The Seattle Seahawks had this exact problem on offense a year ago, but they actually found a solution. After reviewing everything, they zeroed in on a glaring flaw in their approach, then promptly sent that flaw to Chicago. Yes, Poles masterminded another coup! Shane Waldron showed no ability to scheme toward talent and away from dependence on a bad line, which Poles and Eberflus thought made him the perfect shepherd for a dynamic rookie quarterback whose athleticism and on-the-go talent is what makes him so difficult to contain.
Waldron was the absolute wrong hire for this situation and had unequivocally proven it, but here we are. Don’t believe me? Let’s ask someone who was there:
Woooooooooooooooooof.
That’s Jaxson Smith Njigba, who is doing just fine since being freed of Waldron, desperately searching for anything inoffensive to say about his former OC.
And “good luck to y’all” is right. This staff has no ideas. There sits DJ Moore, who is great with the ball, dangerous in space, and can line up anywhere. Instead of designing layup routes to get their best player the ball and keep things moving, the Bears’ brain trust is scheming multiple looks for DeAndre Carter and Gerald Everett. Rookie Rome Odunze had an injured knee and would likely be ineffective or risking further injury in the game, so the staff had him play every snap in Week 2.
They’re forcing Williams to play with almost all his gifts tied behind his back. He’s a German Shepherd, they want a golden retriever.
You know what sucked? The reactions to this particular play:
Wayyyyy too many people looked at that and saw what they thought was a rookie QB making a “can’t get away with that in the NFL!” type of mistake. I guarantee you “this isn’t college” was said 5,000 times by Chicago sports radio doofuses.
But that’s not what it was at all.
That right there was Caleb Williams, super athlete, finally having enough of his superiors’ dumb bullshit. He got tired of being force-fed an anodyne offensive gameplan by a bunch of guys with the creativity of your average middle manager and decided to let the fucking dog hunt. He wasn’t SHOCKED that NFL defensive backs are fast and strong, he just decided to try something near-impossible because he can make that throw and nothing else was working.
He should do that 10 times a game. More, even. That time it didn’t work (though it was insanely close to working given the coverage), but Williams MUST stop suppressing his playmaking instincts in deference to these clowns. If the choices are: A), Williams runs their offense which clearly does not and will never work, or B) He uses his unique athletic gifts to attempt to will a bunch of highlight plays into existence, I choose B every time.
Fans like Justin deserve that. Fire everyone who doesn’t play in the game and let AI call the plays. I bet the Bears would win seven games.
Now, back to fantasy.
DeWitt is well and truly fucked.
Micah Vs. Munson (177.2-129.9)
Micah weekly high score
Micah texted me during the Sunday morning games to ask, “what’s the weekly win thing we are doing this year?” referring to the weekly high score being worth $30 each week. Instead of reading the emails about it, he texted me because I am his fantasy football Google. I responded, and then he elevated things to high art.
“Top scoring team? Or top scoring player for that week?” he asked.
Now he will claim that he just wanted to clarify, but we all know the truth. He asked the first question because he had high score and wanted to confirm he was getting money. He asked the second question because he had both.
Now he’ll claim that he was worried MHJ would pass Kamara and he wanted to be sure what to cheer for, but again we know the truth. This would be like Jordan dunking from the free throw line and asking “is the dunk contest winner the guy with the highest score or the guy with the coolest dunk?”
We get it, you’re doing well.
Cooper Kupp went down and will likely be out for a while, which means Micah’s super-scoring team finally has a hole. He needs a second WR, and will have to probably ship out an RB to get it. Of course if Kamara keeps this up, Micah could start himself at WR and be just fine.
(Oh by the way, I think I’ve told this story before, but Micah once claimed he could complete five NFL passes if given 25 attempts. He backed it up by saying if the team planned all week for that to be their goal, he could pull it off. Ask former Heisman winners Bryce Young and Caleb Williams how that would work out.)
Micah is 2-0 for just the second time since 2012. The last time he started this hot was eight years ago, when he won the regular season at 10-3, but finished fourth after losing to Munson in the semis and Will in the bronze medal game. Will this be a repeat of that heartbreak? Or will he finally get over the hump?
Munson takes a big hit with Deebo Samuel being out for multiple weeks, because he already had a running back deficit and needed Samuel and Jefferson to cover the shortage in points. Now it’s up to Stefon Diggs, who is at this point entirely touchdown-dependent, or Kyle Pitts, who is a tight end.
It’s a critical moment for Munson, who vowed to his fan base that their once-great organization would return to prominence this season. He heads out for a family vacation at the end of the week, which could be enough to draw his eye off the prize. Waivers will be a crucial indicator.
But is he hot?
On draft night, Micah demonstrated comprehensive knowledge of the aesthetic hierarchy of white players in the NFL. After rigorous scholarship, he is prepared to defend his dissertation asserting Aiden O’Connell is the ugliest of the NFL’s caucasian offerings. This season, we endeavor to test this theory.
Aiden O’Connell was narrowly defeated by Michael Dickson Week 1. Based on these early metrics, Micah is still correct. Will his thesis hold through Week 2?
Will Vs. Andres (133.2-113.6)
Will, how are things, buddy? How’s that blood pressure?
Our guy has a bit of a problem on his hands here with Dak Prescott, doesn’t he? The Saints took the Cowboys apart at the subatomic level, and Prescott was powerless to stop it. He threw two picks, and would have scored in the single digits if CeeDee Lamb hadn’t shaken off a tackle and broken a big TD. Dallas looked lost on both sides of the ball, and now play Baltimore, Pittsburgh, and Detroit three out of the next four weeks.
A quarterback being bad isn’t necessarily a fantasy death knell, but when it’s that quarterback, drafted for that price, and the roster was constructed around an expected output from him he’s not delivering, Sundays tend to come with a helping of Tums.
Worse, Will has an Steeler infestation at running back. They’re everywhere inside his roster, just spreading 6-8 points all over the place. The best way to deal with a Pittsburgh RB problem is prevention. Once they get in, it’s expensive to fix and getting rid of them entirely is not certain. Better hit Angie’s List and hope for the best.
The good news is I think Breece Hall is the best running back in football and could legitimately finish as the RB 1 on the year if he has the backfield to himself. The bad news is he doesn’t have the backfield to himself, and Will doesn’t have Braelon Allen.
It’s time to go point hunting because while DK Metcalf rules, he can’t put up 30 every week. Mark Andrews is fine, just like we knew he would be, but he’s still a TE. Brandon Aubrey can’t be the focal point of your fantasy football offense, friend.
In my eyes, Andres has firmly established he’s a contender this year. He got 113 points despite nothing from Kelce, nothing from Odunze, a down week for Jackson, and nothing from Cincinnati’s running game.
Rashid Shaheed appears to be for real, and that’s one hell of a coup for Andres, especially since he got him for a buck and is getting double-digit points out of Jerry Jeudy every week. He still needs a running back, and the Bears are going to sap any excitement and value from Odunze, but none of those problems matter anymore.
See, Isaiah Pacheco broke his leg, which sucks in every way possible except one: Travis Kelce will again become Megatron. I love Pacheco and would give him my fibula if I could, but medical science won’t allow that so we must look to the reality of the present.
Kelce has been a non-factor through two weeks, and a bunch of people whose sense of humor was pre-fabricated for them by the internet joked (or sincerely thought) that it was because he was too focused on the celebrity romance with Taylor Swift. I honestly wish that were true, because if I had to choose between focusing on a violent and painful game or my life with a pretty, talented singer who’s super rich, smart, seems nice, and probably smells good all the time, I know which one I’m picking.
In reality, it was largely because the Chiefs were testing out their new toys, working on getting deeper routes going, and gaining plenty on the ground. But with Pacheco out, the paradigm has shifted. People are eager to guess the best RB pickup in KC in hopes of stealing a potential top-24 guy, but no one should bother.
Get Carson Steele if you want because his name fucking RULES, but there isn’t going to be a Chiefs running back. They don’t need one. It’s Travis Time, and it arrived right when Andres needed it.
