Week 9: I shall not have hands
I have a hot take. This week, the first week after the clocks go back, is hands down the worst week of the year.
Obviously the clock thing is a big part of it, because none of us are used to it being dark shortly after lunchtime yet. It was really jarring Monday to have it be pitch black outside and there still be two hours before the MNF game. By the time the Chiefs and Bucs kicked off I felt like I was 25 again, watching Hawaii and Fresno State duke it out after I came home from the bars at midnight.
Didn’t the whole country get together and decide we want to keep daylight savings time? Congress passed an act and everything. Why haven’t we done that yet? Just let us have more sunlight already.
This is also the period where the weather wants to hang onto the rain part of summer, but not the warm or sunny parts. So we have very much left Autumn behind and are now in Fall. These are very different things.
Autumn is delightful. Autumn has beautiful leaves, pumpkin patches, and apple picking. Autumn smells like cinnamon and vanilla. Autumn is the crackling of a fire and the crunch beneath your feet on a brisk hike through crisp air with your dog. Your dog is probably wearing a bandana. This? This is fuckin’ FALL.
The leaves have turned sickly brown and detached from their trees, so their only contribution now is to be a massive annoyance. When it rains they become papier mache, tracked all over everything, and stuck so firmly to surfaces that you must wait days to clean them up. By then it will have rained again, and each leaf will weigh 600 times what it does when dry. The trees all look dead, there’s nothing to work on in your yard or garden, and the little sunlight you get is spoiled by a steady wind in 40-degree temperatures. Those pumpkins you picked? Rotted lumps in a trash can by now. The apples were never consumed. Your hikes with the dog are now walks; utilitarian exercises designed to remove as much waste from their body as quickly as possible so they accumulate the least amount of mud and rainwater. Fuck the bandana, there’s no time.
This week also means that Halloween has passed, and that is the last low-pressure holiday on the docket. Up next is Thanksgiving, which almost always involves travel. There’s also time management, personnel management, and sometimes high-stakes cooking. That’s followed by Christmas. As Jack Donaghy said, “buying someone a gift allows you to demonstrate how little you know them.”
While it’s not THAT bleak, you really do want your gifts to be good enough. You want them to be thoughtful and unique and something the person actually WANTS. But by the time Thanksgiving is over, you have two weeks to shop. I love those holidays, but we can’t pretend either are as easy as Halloween.
Then there’s New Year’s Eve. We are all past the point of caring about that I hope, but man what a horrible holiday that was in our 20s-30s. Even if you weren’t a big going-out person, in the years you did, was there not a strange undercurrent of pressure? If not internally, then surrounding the group you were with? Most times it felt like NYE meant whatever you do has to be worth the effort. Is this the best version of the night? Did it cost too much? Is everyone enjoying it? For some people: “Is there a better party I should have gone to instead?”
NYE was treated like the last rub of a genie’s lamp; the final chance for the RIGHT wish fulfillment. Everyone forgot weekends exist year-round.
Then there’s Valentine’s Day. Again, less pressure as an adult, but people still want an effort. For some, it’s still high stakes.
When that raps up there’s still half of February and all of March to get through before we get to wear short sleeves and see the sun again. It’s a long road back to summer, and it starts now.
Villian Corner:
In celebration of our own villains, this week the Puka Nacua for finding new and exciting ways to emotionally torment everyone who has been waiting for him to return, each dispatch we will take a moment to appreciate a great villain from entertainment history.
Anton Chigurh from No country for old men
This one is easy. If you’ve seen the movie, you know. If you haven’t seen it, the moment you do, you’ll get it. Anton Chigurh is the best on-screen villain since Darth Vader. He’s the king of the modern mountain. He’s a completely rational, unfeeling malevolence, divorced from humanity in every way but appearance (even that is borderline), and singularly focused on task completion.
He doesn’t kill for sport or pleasure or fame. He’s not cartoonishly evil. He’s the embodiment of indifference in the face of a universally accepted framework of morality. Chigurh is what happens if you took someone who is not human at all, and tasked them with accomplishing a goal within the structure of human society. In this case, it was to recover stolen drug money. He isn’t constrained by guilt, fear of getting caught, or any other moral inconvenience, so he cuts through everything and everyone for expediency. His violence is based in practicality, and it’s devastatingly effective.
He can’t be stopped, can’t be killed, can’t be diverted. X must happen, and so it will. Y, Z, and all other letters are immaterial. Your death doesn’t matter, it’s just what happens next.
The clearest distillation of this is in his conversation with Woody Harrelson’s cocky bounty hunter in a hotel room. Harrelson is dangerous in his own right, but cannot and will not be near as dangerous as Chigurh, because he is still a person. For all his ability to kill, he still possesses elemental human qualities, which means he is no match for someone who is free of all those things.
There is such a wide gulf between Chigurh and the rest of human life. From a distance, he seems like something that can be comprehended and perhaps even dealt with, but once you get close enough, you realize how big that gulf really is. At that point, there's nothing much you can do but die, which he knew long before you did. And you die knowing your beliefs about the nature of good and evil and the fabric of morality never mattered at all. As Chigurh asks, "If the rule you followed led you to this, of what use was the rule?"
SEASON POWER RANKINGS
Using all the info at hand for the current season (points, points against, averages, schedule, roster depth) here are our league power rankings through 9 weeks
| Rank | Team | Change |
|---|---|---|
| #1 | Justin Childs | --- |
| #2 | Micah Thoman | ↑1 |
| #3 | Kyle Luke | ↓-1 |
| #4 | Will Armistead | --- |
| #5 | JJ Bailey | --- |
| #6 | Jimmy Slater | --- |
| #7 | Andres Santana | ↑3 |
| #8 | Andrew DeWitt | --- |
| #9 | Ryan Munson | ↓-2 |
| #10 | Chris Bailey | ↑1 |
| #11 | Steve Keers | ↓-2 |
| #12 | Lee Morehouse | --- |
STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE
| Rank | Team | Change |
|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jimmy Slater | --- |
| #2 | Will Armistead | --- |
| #3 | Micah Thoman | 1 |
| #4 | Lee Morehouse | -1 |
| #5 | Justin Childs | --- |
| #6 | Steve Keers | 4 |
| #7 | Andrew DeWitt | 2 |
| #8 | Chris Bailey | -1 |
| #9 | Ryan Munson | -3 |
| #10 | JJ Bailey | -2 |
| #11 | Kyle Luke | --- |
| #12 | Andres Santana | --- |
PLAYOFF ODDS
| Team | Odds | Change |
|---|---|---|
| Micah Thoman | 90.16% | ↑ 11.58% |
| Kyle Luke | 90.16% | ↓ -4.52% |
| Andres Santana | 90.16% | ↑ 11.58% |
| Ryan Munson | 90.16% | ↑ 11.58% |
| Justin Childs | 65.40% | ↓ -13.18% |
| JJ Bailey | 65.40% | ↑ 15.95% |
| Andrew DeWitt | 65.40% | ↓ -13.18% |
| Will Armistead | 33.50% | ↑ 12.12% |
| Jimmy Slater | 33.50% | ↑ 12.12% |
| Steve Keers | 33.50% | ↓ -15.95% |
| Chris Bailey | 10.15% | ↓ -11.23% |
| Lee Morehouse | 4.45% | ↑ 1.26% |
THE
GAMES
THE GAMES
Jimmy Vs. Lee (122-115)
Oh baby! The Big Board is fully JUICED!
I went out this weekend and bought three industrial generators to make sure it’s running at 11 for 24 hours a day. Jimmy was without Godwin and Jameson Williams, got nothing from La Porta, a down week from Jones, the usual from Mattison, and five combined from his kicker and punter.
This, THIS was Lee’s best chance yet. Garret Wilson came out hot with superhuman shit on Thursday night, and things were rolling right along until Chris Olave got demolished in Carolina. This was a major setback (for both the solidity of Olave’s brain matter and Lee’s fantasy team). But he persevered, in spite of Nick Chubb playing with not an ounce of cartilage in either knee, in spite of his kicker revolting yet again. He still had his quarterback going in the final game, and he was so, so close.
But that’s all he would end up being.
Week 9 was the nearest to victory Lee had been all season. He could see the whites of its eyes. He could tell what shampoo it uses. He knows what it ate this morning. But he still couldn’t touch it.
He is now tied for the worst start in league history at 0-9, and plays the previous record-holder this week. It is the Saddest Start Superbowl! Chris can send Lee into depths heretofore unplumbed. If she does, his Winless Watch- already in fifth gear- will be thrown into overdrive.
Could we as a league see the first undefeated season followed immediately by the first one to see only defeats?
We should be so lucky. The White Sox can’t have ALL the glory.
I enjoy that Jimmy is splitting himself between the Lions and the Bengals this season. I’m counting Mixon in this because he’s spiritually a Bengal to me. Jimmy has the Bengals QB, a Bengal (spiritual) at RB, two Lions WRs, a Lion at TE, the Bengals defense and the Bengals punter.
The man is fielding nearly an entire squad with players from Detroit and Cincinnati. Imagine telling someone from 10 years ago that information. Now tell that person that not only is Jimmy not doing this under duress, he’s 4-5 with the sixth most points and one win out of the playoffs. Their cerebellum would turn to ash on the spot.
I do have one tip for Mr. Slater though. Jimmy, you see that spot on your roster that says “IR”? That’s where you can put players who are either marked out, or who have that same little “IR” next to their name. That way you can keep a player on your roster who for sure isn’t going to play and pick up someone else without having to get rid of someone in exchange. Maybe you prefer not to have players on your bench, I know Munson does. But if you would like to add someone but still hang onto Godwin, maybe try out this very handy option!
Kicker watch!
The 2024 season is on track to break NFL records in games with at least at least three, four, and five field goals in a week. Why? Because kicking WORKS.
Teams are 42-18 this year in games they’ve converted at least three field goals, 15-6 when they’ve made at least four, 4-3 when they’ve made five or more and 3-0 when they’ve hit at least six.
Meanwhile, teams are just 65-88 in games they made fewer than three field goals. Kicking is good work if you can get it.
Andres Vs Steve (166.4-71.1)
Andres Weekly High Score
Good fucking lord. It’s rare you ever see 14 individuals agree on anything, but Steve managed to bring the people together. Apparently, his roster universally loathes him outside of Patrick Mahomes and decided to unify under the banner of this shared hatred. Such cohesion. Such unity! It’s inspiring, frankly.
When a kicker and a defense lead everyone but the QB in scoring and combine to outscore the quartet of starting RBs and WRs, you would assume almost all of his players were in one game, and that game was between the Gotham City Rogues and the Rapid City Monuments during the 2012 season.
In that case, those scores would be totally understandable.
(also if you’re wondering how poisoned my brain is, don’t think for a second that I didn’t have a prolonged internal debate about what I as commissioner would do about the fantasy scoring in that game)
But as far as I can tell, all the stadiums housing Steve’s players remain intact. AJ Brown’s knee on the other hand? Who can say.
This was a wholesale slaughter in every regard, and it looks very much like it was caused by a coordinated work stoppage. I haven’t seen that many players do that little since Munson put up 29 points in a playoff game. Justin has the lowest score in a regular season game at 40. (He also has the second-lowest score at 42). (He also has the THIRD lowest score at 43). Steve’s 71 is nowhere near that, but it this was the biggest blowout of the season by 30 points. It’s definitely being talked about on sports radio all week. Every segment is about whether the organization needs to clean house. “Cal From Columbia” is calling in talking about “legacy doesn’t matter, it’s what have you done lately” and columnists are overusing the phrase “results-oriented business” in papers all over town. Absolutely no respect for the man bound for Fantasy Canton.
Andres scored plenty of points, and the win was well-earned from an offensive standpoint, but we have to take a look at something here.
Going into the week, Andres was middle of the pack in terms of points scored against. In one week, he went from having the seventh-most points against to having the second-fewest. That’s how Andres gets you. In the league’s history, no one holds opponents to low scores as often as he does. Since 2009, opponents have scored 2.46% below the league average versus Andres and account for 8.2% of all points scored, the lowest share for any player’s foes.
His home field is the Swamps of Sadness, where even the mightiest of heroes are overwhelmed with existential dread and malaise. Steve’s team wandered right into that bog, and the results can be summed up in three acts:
Andres is the wolf running toward his first-place position.
Final Isaiah Likely Value Tracker:
Acquisition cost: $53 (NOW DROPPED!)
Points since acquisition: 28.8
Exchange rate: $1 = .54 fantasy points
JJ Vs. Chris (105.3-104.5)
Well that was certainly something. Not stressful at all. Relaxing, even. I’m too lazy to do it right this moment, but I would love to know not only how many of our matchups this season came down to the last game, but how many came down to the last minute of the last game.
I know now at least two have come down to the final possession. Baker threw his second TD at the end of regulation, and that pulled Chris within 0.8. Unless KC won the OT toss, elected to receive, and scored on that first possession, I was almost certainly toast. All those things happened, and Tampa Bay never got the ball back. But even that string of events wasn’t the dumbest deciding factor.
That honor goes to Xavier Worthy, who did not catch either of his targets, but got two rushes. One of those runs he gained no yards. The other, he lost 10. And that’s it. The -1 point was the difference. It was the closest matchup of the season and the baddest of bad beats for Chris. Like if the guy from Saw decided to come up with a fantasy football punishment. Gruesome stuff.
Also gruesome for Baker, who continues to be super rad every week and is being rewarded with an endless string of heartbreaking losses. The guy is having a career year and he’s going to be lucky to have a .500 record to show for it.
My victory, if you want to call it that, will be short-lived, however. I really thought I out-pizza-ed The Hut when I picked up Dak on Saturday night so I wouldn’t have to start Goff outside in Green Bay or Maye against the Titans. Seemed great, right? A nice stack with Lamb in a game with a mile-high over/under. Plus the Cowboys have a cakewalk schedule in terms of pass defenses the rest of the way, so maybe he’ll figure it out and be a good backup! What could go wrong?
Ah yes. The Cowboys never disappoint. Dak left the game having put up 12 points, so I was technically right that he was better than Goff, but that wasn’t what I had in mind.
CeeDee Lamb also got hurt and went for an MRI. He apparently has an AC joint problem and thinks he will play through it. The team is less certain. What is certain is if he decides to play hurt, he will have Cooper Rush throwing him the ball. Cooper Rush is the quarterback equivalent of the gift you buy at a gas station because you forgot someone’s birthday. He fills the space but offers no value.
Drake London left the game with an injury, and is day-to-day with a hip pointer. Brian Robinson had the courtesy to not play at all, but is questionable with a hamstring. The squad is not exactly trending up, is what I’m saying. But hey, maybe I can convince Derrick Henry to run backward next week. That could be my new thing!
MICAH VS. Dewitt (142.5-130.5)
It’s gotta be aggravating for DeWitt to have done everything objectively right, but still have to watch MNF knowing he was going to be bled to death. This is one of those matchups where you run down one guy’s point column and think to yourself, “Wow I wish my team would do that” and then you discover they lost and have to do the math on the back of an envelope to be sure.
I am looking at it right this moment and I still don’t see how Micah did it. Hunt. I guess Hunt did it. Yes, that’s Kareem Hunt, and yes it is 2024. Some things you can’t make up.
If DeWitt had started JSN he wins, but Tracy was objectively the better person to start in the flex. As someone who can always find an argument to support the ridicule of my own missteps, I would get it if DeWitt was self-flagellating right now. But Tracy had been on fire, Daniel Jones can’t pass at home and JSN has two double-digit games all year (one of which was 11.1 points). You gotta stay in the flames while they’re hot.
Meanwhile Micah gets another win while having only one useful receiver, and adds another RB2 to his pile in Rico Dowdle. The Cowboys suck a whole bunch of butt, but somebody has to start at running back for them. I know Dallas Palpatine said they were “saving” Elliott, but that’s so absurd that to call it a lie would be a disservice to lies. Zeke is very bad and the Cowboys are very bad and that combination means not only is there nothing useful to save, but there’s nothing to save that uselessness for. It’s Rico Dowdle from here on out, for whatever that’s worth.
Sooner or later Micah has to move somebody in a trade. Personally, I think it should be Tony Pollard. I mean who WOULDN’T want that guy? Another monster game from a Top-20 running back. People should be beating down the door for Pollard and Micah isn’t even playing him. What are you doing with all that value, dude? You really should shop him around some.
Kyler Murray remains the worst Top-10 QB to deal with in fantasy. There is not a single week where you start him with confidence. You NEVER fully believe he will have a good game, even as he’s actively having one. He’s had a lot of 20+ point weeks in his career, but he is violently allergic to having them back-to-back. This year he finally did it in weeks 7 and 8, then immediately self-immolated with a gentleman’s 4.6 in Week 9.
The Cardinals beat the brown out of Chicago and Kyler accounted for 160 total yards. That was it. No TDs or INTs or fumbles. No meaningful statistical record of his presence. He just showed up, moved the ball a little bit, then went home. Joe Flacco had more pass yards against Minnesota and he very clearly did not want to be there. So which is it KYLER? Who will show up for Micah next week?! Brock Purdy. Brock Purdy will.
But is he hot?
On draft night, Micah demonstrated comprehensive knowledge of the aesthetic hierarchy of white players in the NFL. After rigorous scholarship, he is prepared to defend his dissertation asserting Aiden O’Connell is the ugliest of the NFL’s caucasian offerings. This season, we endeavor to test this theory.
Cody is free! My challenger was up to the task and Frank Dux-ed that Chong Li. But no rest for the victorious. I present a battle of opposites:
BEHOLD THE BITONIO.
Say what you will about the unhinged hair choices, Joel Bitonio looks like he gives dynamite hugs. I want him to console me after a long day.
Will VS. Justin (153.8-125.1)
Did you listen? I hope so. You got in on the ground floor if you did. I’m here to make you money.
When I’m not slopping around the pages of this fine publication, I spend a fair amount of time researching, analyzing, and writing about sports teams and their matchups. This is primarily filtered through the lens of gambling. While I don’t gamble myself, I endeavor to know the minute details of a contest so as to better inform those who do. After all, what you find may be a little thing, but the right little thing can lead to big things.
For example: Did you know that going into this weekend Jahmyr Gibbs was leading all rushers in yards before contact (3.3) and speed at the line of scrimmage (11.39 MPH)? That led to him leading the league in explosive runs (10 or more yards), which account for the majority of his rushing totals. This is important, because the Packers allow the fourth-fewest yards before contact (1.1) and have surrendered the third-fewest explosive rushing plays. They are also extremely good at stopping rushes when they are run from under center, which is how Gibbs gets roughly 3/4 of his carries. Couple that information with the weather and one could look at Gibbs’ over/under on rushing yards (67.5) and confidently decide to take the under. If one believes Gibbs will underperform relative to his line, they could then confidently assume Montgomery would have to pick up more of the ground yards and bet the over for him (55.5). But even if he does go over, the team’s rushing would ultimately be lower than normal, so betting the under on a team line of 138.5 would make sense.
If they can’t run, their offense isn’t as potent. We know Goff can’t throw outdoors, so a down rushing game means a down scoring game.
The spread was Detroit -2.5, with a total game over/under of 48.5. This gives the Lions an implied point total of 25.5. A down scoring game means they go under that mark, and that means the game is likely to go under 48.5.
“WAGERING!”
So if you were inclined to gamble and you began the day thinking the Lions would win and cover the spread, taking in all this information would open some interesting doors. I’m not saying that one SHOULD extrapolate to this extent, but logically if you believe one outcome will happen, then the likelihood of each dependent outcome being similarly affected would increase. In this case, if you had dropped 10 bucks on a same-game parlay of:
Lions -2.5
Under 48.5
Lions under 25.5
Gibbs under 67.5
Montgomery over 55
Lions under 138.5 rushing
You would have won roughly $850. Little thing ——-> big things.
Last week when I warned the world about Will’s coming, I hope you heeded it. It was coming from the same deranged mind that went seven layers deep on a single player prop bet for a game that held no importance, simply because it made that mind happy. That is to say, I like to run the numbers. I ran ‘em on ol’ William and my prediction wasn’t to make him feel better. It was to prepare us all to feel worse.
Hopefully you went out and got some bookie to make you a market on our fantasy league, because last week was the final time you could get long odds on Will to win it all. He got past Tha Point Gawd with EASE, and that was without Metcalf, Harris, Nacua (stop punching dudes who are wearing helmets), and anything meaningful from Breece Hall. Also McBride scored, but they STILL haven’t thrown him a TD pass. He’s the TE 5 and his numbers are still not as good as they should/will be.
This is not a feel-good blip in the pan. It’s the beginning of a much more familiar, much darker tale. One in which we all know the ending but will consume anyway. I hope you learned your lesson. The next time I offer you free money, take it.
Can’t Bear It
Did Justin start a Chicago Bear when he shouldn’t have?
Yes
Who was it?
Cole Kmet
Who should he have started in his place?
George Kittle
How many points did it cost him?
None. I’ll explain.
Examination
I think it’s pretty clear the front office needs to look into how Coach Childs is handling his players. I, for one, would love to hear his explanation as to why he was putting his favorite TE in harm’s way if he can get just as many points from a guy on bye. It’s reckless. He’s risking an injury to Kmet while Kittle has the protection of not having a game this week. Get Kmet out of the action and onto the safety of your bench. There’s simply no need to put him out there. 0.0 counts the same no matter how you get it. It’s a player safety issue.
Season impact:
62.7 lost points
Munson Vs. KYle (106.2-90.4)
Kyle has identical triplets in Khalil Shakir, Keon Coleman, and Zay Flowers, and like other parents in this situation, sometimes he mixes them up. Sometimes those mix-ups are harmless. Sometimes, they’re this.
Kyle confused his babies and took one to a swim meet and the other to a choir competition, except they were the wrong way around. The swimmer sang his ass off, but it didn’t count because he wasn’t officially part of the choir. The choir kid drowned in the pool. These are the consequences, Kyle. You need to mark one of them with a Sharpie or something so you don’t do this again.
Flowers’ 35 points very much would have won Kyle the week, but not only did Coleman get the start over him, our former league leader decided to go with Christian Watson in the flex. What are you doing, man? No business with people outside the family! Watson is an interloper in your home. You can’t be giving neighbor kids the big steak.
I meant what I said about being happy Mark Andrews was finally performing for someone this season, but I can feel that happiness while also feeling a separate happiness that Kyle finally got to experience the Mark Andrews the rest of us did. Sort of like when an ex moves on and gets their shit together with their next partner. You really are happy they’re doing well and found someone, but you still giggle when you see the new couple having the same fight you lived through a dozen times. Gotta EARN those Mark Andrews stripes, my boy.
Tyreek Hill is apparently never going to be good, no matter who is quarterbacking or how much of a shootout the Dolphins are in. He’s just doomed to accumulate 70 yards and no TD for the rest of time. Since the triplets are basically a dice toss when it comes to success, it’s up to Nico Collins and His Incredible Julienned Hamstring to save the day. Surely there is no concern about this from Kyle.
I got about 10 minutes in on my latest (ninth!) attempt to solve the absolute fucking mystery that is Munson’s team when I was reminded of the story of Ricky McCormick.
In 1999, a body was found in a cornfield in St. Charles County, Missouri (right by me!). The body was partially decomposed, but the victim was wearing clothes. Inside the pockets of his pants were two garbled, hand-written notes. Sheriffs identified the victim as Ricky McCormick, and while they weren’t sure it was murder, they couldn’t come up with another cause of death. The notes? Well they became something of a nationwide sensation. They were apparently written in some sort of code, but no one was able to crack it. Take a look:
Ricky McCormick was not of any particular importance. He was in his 40s, unemployed, lived on and off with his mom, and had a criminal record. He had chronic lung and heart issues, though examiners could not find any proof that those issues were what killed him. There was no clear motive for murder, but no one had reported him missing. The last confirmed sighting of him was five days earlier when he went for a health checkup.
But here he was, in a cornfield 15 miles from his last known address. How did he get there? McCormick didn’t own a car, and public transportation didn’t go anywhere near the spot he was found. And those notes. What the fuck, man?
No one could figure these things out, but people whose job it is to recognize and break codes are convinced there is a sophistication to what was written on the paper found in his pocket. McCormick’s family said he never wrote in code before, and they doubted he had the capacity to craft something like the notes in question.
"The only thing he could write was his name. He didn't write in no code."
His MOM said that. Didn’t even pretend he was a secret tortured genius. Left absolutely no room for maybe. Just straight up said her dead (possibly murdered) son was way too dumb to have written the cipher found in his pockets.
So, who did write it? And why did HE have it? Was it what got him killed? Or instructions for someone else he was supposed to pass on? Was he paid to deliver a message and then disposed of? Theories were plentiful.
But the FBI's Cryptanalysis Unit couldn’t crack the notes. They tried for years, and when they got nowhere, they enlisted the American Cryptogram Association, who also got nowhere. So many people around the country tried to solve it that the FBI created a whole site for submissions. No progress was made. The code is still listed as unsolved by the FBI.
But recently a far more popular theory emerged: What if it’s just nonsense? McCormick couldn’t write, so maybe it was him jotting things down phonetically or in a way that made sense to him. Or maybe he was bored one day and just scribbled for fun. Maybe someone else did and he just found the notes and pocketed them. After all the theories and hullabaloo, maybe it’s just indecipherable gobbledygook.
That’s how I finally found peace with Munson’s team. I realized I was looking for something that wasn’t there. There is no mystery to unravel or sense to be made. There’s no correlation or causation. No prize at the center of the puzzle box, just air. Interesting air, to be sure, but air all the same.
6-3, 3-6, undefeated or winless, it makes no difference. His team just is. Now I can rest.
